Robbie Burns vs. William Blake

Now here we have, perhaps the most unfair match that I have ever cooked up. And I admit that freely and without guilt. On one side there is Robert Burns,also known as Rabbie Burns, Scotland's favourite son, the Ploughman Poet, Robden of Solway Firth, the Bard of Ayrshire and in Scotland as simply The Bard, and on the other side is William Blake, who today is considered a poetical genius, but had little of the success that Burns had. In fact, most people Blake was indeed, to use the cliche (sorry), mad as a hatter. If had to compare Blake to anyone in the world it would be Vincent van Gogh (whose last name is literally pronounced like you're  trying to cough up a hairball). Both were vastly unappreciated, passionate, talented, artistic, and reputedly crazy. To be fair though, Blake didn't cut off his ear or kill himself, but otherwise they are practically the same person. Blake wrote a fair few number of poems, the most well-known being Songs Of Innocence and The Lamb and The Tyger (yes spelled with a "Y", I already told you he was insane), and he helped to inspire the Romantic age. So basically if he was born, like 50 years later, he would be just as successful as say Keats or Shelley. And as for Robert Burns, well the name kind of speaks for itself, well that and the fact that he has his own holiday. But just for giggles, I'll tell you what he wrote: mostly poems about his native Scotland, notably To A Mouse, and To A Louse ( again, not making this up), and also helped inspire the Romantic poets. Oh, and he died when he was only 37, just like van Gogh. Weird...
Who would win?
Robert Burns

Burns wins, obviously, as far as this contest goes. But as for the best use of the English language that I can understand? Blake definitely would win. Sod off if you don't like it ye wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie!

John Milton vs. Robert Burns

Two very famous men. Two of the best writers of Great Britain. Together, Robbie Burns and John Milton covered a vast range of subjects ranging from idyllic farm life to the creation of the earth. Both lived in eras of turmoil and change, Milton during the English Revolution and Burns in the Industrial Revolution which impacted the tone and content of their writing. Well now that we have established the basics, lets move on, shall we? In a contest,which would prevail? In terms of sheer influence, we have arguments for both authors; Scotland has a whole holiday and museum dedicated to their poet who only lived 37 years. I wonder what it would be like if he lived to be,say, 80? My guess is shrines dedicated to his specific pattern of plaid, complete with relics. But we cannot discount the importance of one Milton, considered by many scholars today as the third member of the triumvirate of English Literature, beside Chaucer and Shakespeare, even if they tore down the house that he was born in. Now, as for the relevance and readability ( is that even a word?) of their works in this modern age, well I'm sorry, but they both get a big failing grade. Burns' Scottish sayings and colloquialisms are frankly too hard to understand unless you are actually from Scotland (which Canadians don't tend to be) and Milton's reference to the most obscure ancient Greek gods and goddesses leave the average person with no clue as to what the heck he is going on about (I mean really, who the heck is Briareos?). Also, both don't seem to be able to spell very well. But the real question is...

Who should win??

Ahh yes bread street, the location of all the butchers.....

John Milton

Now I was leaning to the general good cheer of Robert Burns, Milton seemed too stuffy and serious to win this generally nonsensical pageant of my own intellectual prowess, but something I had disregarded up to this point made me change my mind. He was blind. Do you realize how hard it is to write when you are blind? Reakky frwakibg harrd. How much more credit did Beethoven get when he couldn't hear? Lots. Also, and this was genuine new information to me, Milton was one of the first people to support free speech, and his writings helped create the American Constitution's 1st amendment. And that's the reason this blog, and the internet even exists. So I think Mr. Milton deserves a huge round of applause from the ENTIRE WORLD. And his own holiday.