Knight vs. Ulysses

Two very noble men, two very important people of their time, 2 men with not enough respect or time for their sons, two warriors. The knight of the Canterbury Tales and Ulysses of the same-named dramatic monologue have more in common than meets the eye. So similar, in fact that how am I to decide between the pair? Lets start with basics, like how the knight is of a much lower standing than the King of Ithaca. But the knight appears to have a higher power on his side, having been said to be very pious and follow the laws of chivalry, where as the ancient Greek gods seems to always be squabbling as to whether Ulysses is a decent guy, it took 10 years for them to let him come home, and the knight could take advantage of that pretty quick. Besides who want to watch a fight that takes 10 years to resolve? ( But isn't that the plot of the Illiad?) Still Ulysses has an army of questionable size (size of Ithaca still undetermined), while the knight might be able to round up some soldiers of dubious ability and that would be it. Both men are determined, however, to make something of the rest of their short lifespans before they bite the dust, especially Ulysses, who is bored of his life in Ithaca. ( God it must be soooo boring to be a king and have everything done for you, I feel so bad...) But in the end only one will stand tall and be proclaimed winner.

And the winner is.....
Ulysses

While he might be a bit whiny about his first world problems, Ulysses does have the power and prestige to wipe out the knight. But, in fairness to the knight, he would give it his best shot and deny, even on his death bed,that he had ever been beaten, that it was "just a scratch". Hmm that reminds me of another knight, wonder who that could be?

Thomas Gray vs. Thomas Wyatt

It's time for the (2nd) battle of the Thomas's! Besides their names, the 2 didn't really have all that much in common, one was too busy pining over a girl to get anything done, and the other was obssessed with death, and spent his time pondering why some dead people were remembered more than others to get anything done. Now we have already established that Thomas Wyatt was a bit of a whiny prat who fancied himself in love with Anne Boleyn, who was conveniently married to the king so that Wyatt had the perfect excuse to never, ever talk to her. Well unless he wanted his head to be mounted above the good king's fireplace... And Thomas Gray, well he spent his days roaming graveyards, which eventually did pay off- Elegy Written in Country Churchyard is a very critically acclaimed piece even if the name is a bit wordy and has no mystery. But looking at is family, I can understand the guys obsession with death- he had 11 brothers and sisters who all died before the age of 5. If that were me, I would spend a lot of time in a graveyard too. But I don't have to, thanks to modern medicine ( and basic hygiene...)! So who should win, the morose man obsessed with the art of passing on, or the smitten sir, who did introduce the English to the sonnet, but died with little prestige to his name? Which should triumph, love or death, the sonnet or the lyric?

And the winner is......
Thomas Gray

While his Elegy may seem to be simply about how death conquers all, including the love that tears Thomas Wyatt apart, his message can be interpreted (only by English majors) as more than that, as a message to grapple life, and swallow your pride and go for your goal, and ignore the risks that might be there. The worst thing that could happen is that you could die, right? Which is a lesson that Mr. Thomas Wyatt could have used.

Nymph vs. Lamb

How could you fight this?

Now it is time for probably the most tame battle ever, the nymph (an old-timey way of saying a girl) versus the cute little lamb, who you will remember destroyed the tyger with his sunshine,optimism and butterflies. The nymph is made of some slightly harder stuff, having rejected the shepherd because he was too poor, which was pretty cruel if you ask me. But, she could be seen as being more than just a parasitic gold-digger, she could be seen as an optimist, that see will have other, better opportunities that will come her way. So if you skew your perspective just a little bit (which I can, and will), this becomes more than just a battle of a girl and a lamb, it becomes a battle of optimism, and which version will prevail. I, know pretty deep right? If that makes your head spin a little, you can just pretend that this never even happened.....

So on the one hand (or hoof?) there is the pure, simpleness of the lamb, child-like and innocent but full of naivety, and on the other hand there is the ambitious optimism (or greed) of a girl trying to be upwardly mobile, trying to assert her own place (which Gloria Steinem would have appreciated) . Which will triumph?

And the winner is......

The Lamb

I'm sorry, but the nymph was too greedy to win this metaphorical battle, I don't care how I spin it, she was horrible to the shepherd, and there is no excuse for treating him like that, no matter how much ambition you may have ( There's a life lesson in there somewhere...). And anyways, one look at an adorable little lamb (Mary's perhaps?) and the nymph would send up a white flag in defeat.

Mariner vs. Satan

After narrowly taking out what was probably his biggest opponent in round 1, Satan now has to face another difficult challenger-this time in the face of the Mariner. Now. things are much more interesting here, the Mariner seems  unable to die ( due to the whole albatross debacle) so he would not be subjected to Satan's wrath the way us, mere mortals are. However, he does seem to still be human so while a fiery punch may not kill him, it would still hurt. A lot. Where the Mariner does have an advantage though, is his ability to learn, to move on, to not hold a grudge. While Satan might be so consumed with his anger towards God for his humiliating loss, so focused on revenge, that the Mariner may be able to sneak away unharmed. As for the way that they are written? I would have to say that's a dead-even tie, with Donne's writing just as difficult and convoluted as Pope's. Let's just say Paradise Lost and Rhime of the Ancient Mariner aren't what I would describe as "light reading". But how to rank the two, the crazy guy who interrupts people's weddings ( Really? It couldn't have waited??)  and the traitorous anti-hero with a bit of power complex (You just had to challenge God didn't you?)

And the winner is....

Satan

Yes, I know I'm being more than a little contradicting letting optimism win in one battle and then letting a horrible villain cruise to the quarterfinals. But really? Even if the Mariner can't die, there is no way that a batty sailor could beat a primordial being. Well except if hell froze over.....