Sir Gawain Vs. Knight

Time for Round 2! In one corner, we have Sir Gawain, knight of the Round Table, one of Arthur's favourite knights, and in the other corner, we have the Knight from Chaucer's frame story Canterbury Tales, one of the only brave and noble characters, and the highest ranking person in the entire book. Lets start it off by saying that they are both knights, good and honourable (well, mostly, Gawain DID have a certain thing for other lords' wives) and both followed the chivalric code. Which means, that they have to be, like, super nice and stuff off the battlefield, but turn into war-crazed maniacs when fighting their enemy (multiple personality syndrome, anyone?) So lets talk about their battles. Sir Gawain faced off with the Green Knight (Ooooo scary...) a mystical, immortal knight, who doesn't even die when Gawain chops off his head. So Gawain fufills his end of their bargain when he goes to meet the Green Knight a year after their "duel", doesn't have the guts to accept his fate ( his head being chopped off in return), has an affair with a married women, takes a magic girdle, and well long story short, everything ends up just fine. WHAT! Their isn't even an epic battle! He ends up with a shoulder wound, a magic girdle, and his debt repaid! He should be a negotiator for the UN...And then there is the Knight. Portrayed as a 30-something guy, with a good heart, and a useless son, this dude really knows how to slaughter some people, an definite advantage. He went through the CRUSADES, people. Do you know what happened in the Crusades? Let's just say, an army of children, that's right, children went into the Crusades, and even they got slaughtered. The guys fighting in the Crusades were heartless, clearly. And the Knight made it through that, and lived to tell his tale? Guy must be one tough SOB. And there is no indication he has ever done anything unsavoury...
And the winner is......
The Knight
Do I need to explain myself?

Sir Thomas Wyatt vs. Sir John Graeme

Alright, moving on, we have Sir John Graeme versus Sir Thomas Wyatt. I know it sounds like another awesome battle between knights, but it's most definitely NOT. These guys are what I like to call the "emos" of the Lit world. Both guys are just angsting for some girl they can never, ever have. Poor, sad, mopey, little men... John Graeme loves beautiful Bonny Barbra Allen, but, alas, she will never forgive him because he slighted her while mildly intoxicated. GASP! ( Moral of the story: Try not to get drunk in front of a girl you're trying to impress, it didn't end well for Sir John here). So Johnny boy gets so upset at the fact that Barbara won;t love him that he dies of HEARTSICKNESS, yes a broken heart (really?!?). And then Barbara realizes how sad she is that she goes and dies of a broken heart too. But don't reach for your tissues just yet, it all ends well for the ill-fated lovers, they get buried together and come back as a rose and a thorn, twined together        ( 1,2.3...... AWWWWW.....) . How special. Now Sir Thomas Wyatt, he was a real person, and really in love with a women named Anne Boleyn, but she was married to the king of England (Henry VIII), and therefore totally OFF-LIMITS. So what does Sir Wyatt do to express his frustrations? Like all of the other macho men of his age, he writes beautiful sonnets to express his feelings.Thus, "Whoseso List to Hunt" was born, a poem with an elaborate metaphor that Annie is a deer, and he is the hopeless hunter trying to catch her, one who eventually just gives up, realizing that there is just no point. But there is no happy ending to this story, Anne Boleyn was beheaded by her husband, and Sir Thomas Wyatt died of illness at the ripe old age of 39.
And the Winner is...........
Sir Thomas Wyatt
This one was a tougher call, but at least Anne Boleyn and Thomas Wyatt had a legitimate excuse for not being with each other. Barabra and John Graeme could have had a happy life together!! But, no, Barbara just had to keep her pride...  Besides John seems like the biggest pansy out there... C'mon, Thomas would have totally kicked his ass.